I actually wrote the below blog post a few weeks
ago. It is quite fitting that I haven’t
gotten a chance to post it until now…
Well, this whole blogging thing is new to me.
I felt like my mom when I had to send a message to a friend asking how to
upload a picture at the top of the page (sorry Mom). Due to my excessive social
media use, I am usually pretty good at these things, so I am wondering if
Google makes it a little harder than it needs to be. Or it is possible my brain
is no longer functioning due to lack of sleep thanks to my precious little boy.
In the past few weeks I have really enjoyed following all the other new Mamas
on Facebook, and I have especially appreciated hearing their advice and
stories. And while I am NO expert on the subject of motherhood, it got me
thinking that maybe some other Mamas would enjoy following my journey with Baby
Cole or would at least find some humor and maybe feel better about their own
paths as new mommies.
Like most new moms, I had a quite glamorous and
slightly unrealistic expectation of what it would be like. I thought that
because, as I told my husband Phil the night we met, my life goal was to be a
stay-at-home mom, I would be a "super-mom” from the start. (Yes I told
Phil that the night we met, and he STILL married me!) I pictured myself with a
perfectly cleaned house, looking perfectly put together, taking my perfectly
behaved child to play-dates and on shopping trips. I thought I would have
a delicious dinner on the table every night and a baby that followed a schedule
and slept like a champ.
When Mama friends told me how tired they were, I
thought in my own head, "I will be so happy to be a mom and love my baby
so much, I will not care at all that I am not sleeping." When mamas told
me they never had time to get anything done and didn't have any time for
themselves, I thought to myself, "they must just not be organized enough.”
Now, I get it. No matter how much I love my baby boy (and oh my gosh, I love him to pieces), I must admit that this Mama is tired (and isn’t the least bit happy about this no sleep thing), is quite disorganized most days and has so little time for herself she often forgets to brush her teeth or eat dinner. Yes, dinners consist of whatever my husband picks up on his way home, or if he gets really lucky, something I threw in the crockpot. Cleaning consists of running around during Cole’s naptimes trying to pick up the mess that is our house or throwing in a quick load of laundry (and many of these so-called naps are quite short, because I can’t bare to leave him in his crib to scream-it-out). No, there is not a “cry-it-out” with this baby…he all out SCREAMS when he wants to tell me something. There are many days I desperately call my own mom to come over and help me (and praise Jesus, I have a good one). My husband gave me a sweet gift last week of some money and told me to spend it on clothes, a massage or anything “fun” that I wanted, and I told him I wanted to use it on the housekeeper that I so desperately miss from when I was on bedrest. Yes, I would rather pay someone to clean this house then shop for a new outfit. This is a whole new chapter in life.
Now, I get it. No matter how much I love my baby boy (and oh my gosh, I love him to pieces), I must admit that this Mama is tired (and isn’t the least bit happy about this no sleep thing), is quite disorganized most days and has so little time for herself she often forgets to brush her teeth or eat dinner. Yes, dinners consist of whatever my husband picks up on his way home, or if he gets really lucky, something I threw in the crockpot. Cleaning consists of running around during Cole’s naptimes trying to pick up the mess that is our house or throwing in a quick load of laundry (and many of these so-called naps are quite short, because I can’t bare to leave him in his crib to scream-it-out). No, there is not a “cry-it-out” with this baby…he all out SCREAMS when he wants to tell me something. There are many days I desperately call my own mom to come over and help me (and praise Jesus, I have a good one). My husband gave me a sweet gift last week of some money and told me to spend it on clothes, a massage or anything “fun” that I wanted, and I told him I wanted to use it on the housekeeper that I so desperately miss from when I was on bedrest. Yes, I would rather pay someone to clean this house then shop for a new outfit. This is a whole new chapter in life.
Despite all of the above, I ABSOLUTELY, 100
percent, no questions asked, believe that being a mommy is exactly what God has
planned for me. There is a BIG
learning curve, but I feel fulfilled, content and so HAPPY, no matter how
tired, disorganized or opposite I am of the perfect stay at home mom I pictured
myself to be in my own head. I wake up every day with JOY and gratitude in my
heart. I am truly blessed to be a wife to Phil and a Mommy to Cole. I am so excited for what the future holds,
and I hope my friends and family will enjoy following along with me through
this crazy journey.
